“It’s my time to leave the military — here is what I have learned.” Life Transition Series: Going from A to C.
“I am not really sure what to expect”, Specialist John Harber.
Leaving the military after an extended time is something that most of us have not starting context. John Harber has spent the last 4 years as a combat medic in the Army and is about to transition to life on the “outside.” I was able to grab a short interview with John in hopes of attaining some insights into his time but also his thoughts on his upcoming transition after what some might call the most stressful and intense time of his life.
Collin: What do you feel you need to leave behind in this transition?
John: Serving in the military has been one of the greatest accomplishments of my life so far. I am grateful for what the Army has taught me, as I have been pushed beyond what I ever thought possible. I learned quickly that the only way to succeed in the military was to develop tough skin, and to take care of yourself -no one else will. If you don’t develop these two important traits, the military will bury you. This concept was a steep learning curve for me because it went against everything I believed in before entering, and who I was as a person before I enlisted.
As I am transitioning, I am learning that the “civilian” world is the complete opposite. Succeeding, especially in my career of interest (medicine), means to care for people, and to have people care for you. This is not exactly the design behind the success of our military. I deeply believe that the more you open up your heart, the more people will accept you, and the more you will get in return. I need to believe again that this is how it should be, and not to have my “guard up” all the time.
Collin: What are the opportunities and experiences from the past that you really want to honor, hold sacred, and take with you beyond this transition?
John: There are many things I have learned from the Army; some good, some bad. Two important things that I will forever honor are: the love for my country, and the sacrifices of the men and women in the military. I will also hold on to the intense discipline that I have learned and adapted as a lifestyle. I don’t think I will ever complain about a 9–5 job after working 24 hours straight, on weekends, or for consecutive weeks in the field, in harsh weather and injured. After being in the “suck”, it has made me appreciate what I have to look forward to on the other side. This reality gives me confidence in knowing that I can accomplish anything I want to.
Collin: What are you saying “no” to? What are you saying “yes” to during this season?
John: I am saying yes to happiness during this season. It sounds simplistic, but it has been a difficult concept for me to grasp. I am saying yes to opportunities opening up to me that fill me with joy, regardless of other peoples viewpoint. For me, that might be asking that girl out who I thought was out of my league, getting that puppy, signing up for that spartan race, actually hiking the Colorado Trail, finishing that degree. No dream is too big during this season of my life. I cannot say this was the case prior to entering my time in the Army.
I am saying no to toxic relationships, friendships, which might even include some family members. I am not going to put in the effort if they aren’t going to meet me half way. I want quality relationships in my life. I am saying no to letting people take advantage of me, in any situation. I am learning to stand up for myself and what I know is right. The irony in all of this is that the more I say no, the more I earn respect from those I admire.
Collin: Who do you want to be at the end of this transition?
John: I want to be myself again. I want to be happy, to laugh, and to love. I think I have lost myself a little bit in the Army, and I am slowly finding myself again. I forget how funny I can be, how real and confident my personality is at any point in time. It’s funny because I feel like I am two people: “work” John, and the “real” John (when I’m around my family). “Work” John is very serious, quiet, shy, and can lack self-confidence. The “real” John is funny, always has a smile on his face, is super confident, and even a bit goofy. That’s who I want to be again. Sometimes the intensity of our time serving trains us to forget who we are as individuals. I realize this is necessary but can take time to unwind.
Collin: Who do you want by your side during this transition?
John: I have all the people I need during this transition: I have my family who are my biggest supporters and have been by my side through it all. They know me better than anyone. As silly as it might sound, I am also glad I have my dog with me as well. Taking care of him as a companion has brought a lot of positive things into my life.
I would like to have a significant other during this transition as well. I often get frustrated with where I am at in relationships, and the lack of opportunity I have for meeting a woman I connect with at a deeper level in the service and its obligations. It has been a very lonely transition so far, but I know God has the perfect timing.
Collin: As you desire to go through this transition well, what would you say is your “why?”
John: The reason I am transitioning out of the Army and pursuing my advanced degree is that I have outgrown my potential in the military. There is a certain type of personality required in the military; a certain mentality. People often enter the military because they have nowhere else to go. There is a mental wall in the military, if you will, and I often find myself frustrated because of the lack of individual, independent thinking. Most individuals don’t have degrees, no goals, few aspirations, and loose morals. I am not saying this has always been the case but it is today. I often find myself alone in regards to my beliefs, morals, and thought process. Being in the service is more than a job, it is a lifestyle, and there is very little say in what you do, or where you will go. I believe I can accomplish so much more as a civilian. I will be able to surround myself with like-minded people, doing things that I love.
Collin: How will a successful transition be measured?
John: Honestly, I am still trying to figure that out, and I don’t think I will know the transition was successful until I am there. For now I am discovering who I am, saying yes to opportunities, and following what God has for me. As long as I am putting one step in front of the other and setting goals for myself, I am succeeding.
